Chapter 6: Robbery
My first night in hospital had been an interesting one – I had thrown up on myself, been wheeled to the toilet in a wheelchair and fainted on the toilet – and that was all before midnight.
After midnight I had a restless night. One reason being that – Before I went to bed I was told and asked to sign a waiver form that if any of my personal items were stolen the hospital wouldn’t be held responsible. Amusing considering I couldn’t walk let alone run after anyone who decided to steal any of my personal items…
This led to me sleeping with many of these items that I thought had some kind of importance to my existence in hospital…
That night I slept with:
- My phone
- My phone charger
- My colouring book (Monster Inc – kept me occupied)
- My bag of washing items
To be honest the bed was uncomfortable enough without the added extra of the items above – however I weighed up the pros and cons and decided that in the long run and potential robbery I wouldn’t be able to get through the hours of boredom without them.
Fortunately I wasn’t robber but I can’t work out whether this was down to the fact I didn’t sleep at all, the pain was unbearable or I was terrified of being robbed by clever robber posing as a Doctor or Nurse?
Chapter 6: The morning welcome party
So I woke up in the morning about 8am (so I must have slept a little bit), just sat up to get comfortable when I am seriously not kidding a PACK of doctors arrived at my bedside, closed the curtains and started talking about me to each other!
Um Hello – I am sitting here and I was trying to consume by breakfast of the NHS’s finest orange juice…
After talking about me to my face they asked how I was doing and then yes – I was inspected in the groin and inner leg area again… To preserve my dignity my pillow was used to protect my triangle (I am going to hope yo know what I am talking about).
‘Do you mind if we just check you over Hannah?’ (The Doctor address me)
‘I have got beyond the point of caring… but you have started so you should at least finish’
After my triangle was protected the prodding and wincing commenced – they then announced in a brash tone:
‘As you can see the patient, has slight swelling in the abdomen and pain around the right hip… The patient will be sent for an ultrasound scan to see if we can see what the appendix is doing….’
During this statement doctors and the like noted down things in their notes books…. yes this happened.
‘Oh and Hannah you won’t be able to eat or drink anything before your ultrasound scan….’
I stop drinking my orange juice in a saddened manner even though it tasted like crap and then looked at them all – proceeded to down the whole thing and then said:
‘I won’t drink anything else – I promise, looks like I am on a drip diet – roll on Ibiza…’
So I was fitted with a fluids drip which is a highly inconvenient – you have to stay in the same position the whole time so that the blasted fluid goes into you – talk about awkward positions.
Surprisingly I only waited a mere hour before a delightful young porter man came to pick me up in his chariot –
Back to Alton Towers we went… bashing into all the things – including doors and the like.
When we arrived at my destination I joined similarly dressed people in their PJ’s waiting for their ultrasounds.
If anyone knows me – I love to fill that awkward silence so I announced that having an ultrasound was not in my life plan and the only time I thought this would be occurring is when in fact I was with child. I then announced that I was not pregnant to my knowledge.
Then an old man next me wet himself…
He was whisked away leaving a beautiful shining beacon of urine behind… which consequently was discovered by the porter who took me to the Ultrasound room – he trod in it. I laughed so hard that a little bit of wee came out.
Chapter 7: Show me all my organs…
Well what can I say the ultrasound was an experience: To put it into context I was having an ultrasound because they wanted to see how swollen my appendix was and if anything else was going on inside me…
They laid me down, got me comfortable before I was handed two pieces of over sized blue kitchen towel – one to tuck into the underside of my bra (as I had to roll my t-shirt up to expose my stomach) and the other was to yes save my dignity and tuck into my pants….
The annoying thing about my appendix was located near to my triangle area which meant it was getting a lot more air-time than usual. I mean I was soon going to have to start charging for such exposure.
Anyhow, for anyone who has seen One Born Every Minute the process is exactly the same. The Doctor applied on to my stomach – it was so warm and snuggly kind of like when you put a jumper on when you are playing out in the snow, your hands are cold but the rest of your torso is so warm.
After the gel was applied – basically looked inside me… how exciting… but also really werid.
However, I really didn’t think this would ever happen to me unless I was lying with my of course gorgeous husband holding my hand as we look at a the black and white live image of my unborn child. I would then wipe away a tear and kiss my husband with joy.
This of course did not happen – instead of my unborn child – I saw my organs. He spent a while searching for my appendix, an extremely long time.
During the deep sea search of my stomach… I thought while I am here I proclaimed:
“SHOW ME ALL MY ORGANS….”
To which he did…. all of them – 45 minutes later I knew where everything was. Unfortunately he did not find my appendix, the poor little guy was hiding away from the nice Doctor and his warm gel and werid ultrasound stick thing.
I was then wheeled back to my lovely bed! Where I was hooked up to another drip and I continued my enforced hunger and water strike. Trust me not drinking is the worst – I looked like a Zombie – my mouth was dry but also so were my lips but luckily I had brought my trusty Vaseline with me and the world was saved.
During the waiting period I drew a beautiful picture….in my amazing Monster Inc colouring book and yes I am that talented….