Dear Cupid….

 

581915_983844715512_1927748916_nHello, I am Iain and after these terrible dates I am still single!

 

 

 

 

Dear Cupid

Re: A Catalogue of errors and poor practice

I am writing to you to express my great dissatisfaction with the level of service I have received from your long established and well respected international service. Surely it is not too much to ask that I be able to meet a nice, friendly, smart guy. I feel that I am not asking for the earth, just someone to text back or initiate the conversation once in a while. What follows is a catalogue of poor judgement and poor prospects.

I should begin by admitting that I am quite late to the dating game and at the ripe old age of 27 I know time is against me. I will also admit, much to my own consternation, that I am no Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum, but I am far from John McCririck or Wayne Rooney. I am intelligent, funny, well-travelled and compassionate. I am completing my masters and beginning my professional career.

This surely should not be a particularly difficult task for an angel of love with the years of experience that you so proudly expound. I don’t know how I am meant to meet the man of my dreams. For years I was hoping for a chance encounter in a bar, in the supermarket, at the gym but alas all to no avail. So, in a sign of the times

I decided to embrace online dating. As a gay man I did what all gay men do and upon the arrival ofmy smartphone, downloaded Grindr. I was perhaps foolish in my belief that maybe the man of my dreams was within 2km but I figured that due to the lack of success I had trusting entirely in cupid it was time to try and offer you a helping hand. I didn’t soley rely on Grindr, I was willing to utilise all the tools available to me on the interet: Scruff, Plenty of Fish, Gaydar, I even think there was once a Match.com profile.

As of the end of the January 2014, a mere one month into the start of a new year, I have been on three first dates, all of which began with Grindr. The guys were all around my age, my type, smart, funny, well-travelled, I thought that finally Cupid, after all this time of waiting patiently my luck had changed and everything was going my way! What’s perhaps more impressive is that these guys actually approached me. There’s me, looking for love and three guys come along at once! 2014 was going to be my year!

Date 1: Study Break. This date was in the library café on Sunday afternoon, not the most typically romantic but it worked! The chat was good and we shared similar ambitions. We chatted for an hour and the time just flew by. I was impressed. We then headed back upstairs to our respective floors and it was he, yes he, who said, “let’s do this again”. Praise the Lord! The whatsapp chat continued for a bit but then I realised that it was always I who sent the ‘how’s it going?’ so I decided to see how interested this guy actually was and left it 4 days. Not once did he initiate chat. Cupid, perhaps I don’t understand but this guy initiated chat, suggested doing it again and then falls of the grid. What is the meaning of this, I expect a better level of service from such an established and well trusted bringer of love than this.

Date 2: No shenanigans in the back row. This guy very quickly suggested we meet up as he preferred to talk in person rather than by text. I thought well that’s fine, let’s embrace this, so it’s off to the Hunger Games. We met outside, had a bit of awkward snack chat but then we sat in for 2 hours of silence. Not the most audacious start but Cupid I decided to trust you. Afterwards we went for a coffee and chatted for almost 2 hours, well I say chatted he did most of the talking. And it was mostly about himself and how wonderful he felt that he was. I did add him on Facebook once I got home but it’s safe to say that we’ve not spoken or met up since!

Date 3: Un Café Por Favor. This guy actually sent me a message before the Christmas break and we chatted for a bit but then radio silence over the holidays. Upon my return to Leicester I thought right let’s see if he is still interested and sent a message. He replied! Be still my beating heart! We arranged to meet up one evening but then radio silence once again. Cupid, I was very unhappy with this turn of events and you can rest assured that I made my displeasure known to my friends and colleagues. However, he got in contact and explained his reasoning for the missed date, and all was forgiven. He was keen to rearrange. A coffee date was booked in and it was great, we chatted for 2 hours and could have chatted for more had I not needed to go off for work. Cupid I was beginning to lose hope in your abilities but I thought that this guy may in fact bring the old adage ‘third time’s a charm’ to fruition. But in what is now fast becoming a trend he too has gone silent. I had realised that it was always me who sent the first message so I left it a few days and still nothing.

In conclusion cupid I think I have been more than fair, I have always turned up, looking smart, I’ve got reasonably good chat and I’ve shown an interest in each of these guys. However I feel that you have failed to keep up your end of the bargain, men have shown an interest but where’s the follow up, where’s the continued interest? I have a large number of single, professional friends and I most certainly will not be recommending your services to them, despite your monopoly on the world of romance. I expect this matter to be looked into with a degree of urgency and I trust that someone senior within your organisation will investigate what has clearly been a serious mismanagement of my case.

I look forward to hearing your reply.

Regards,

Iain

 

Have you or someone you know been through a horrific or a good dating experience that you want the world to know about? Well, it is time to let it all out via my amazing blog. Please get in contact via commenting below or Twitter @h_tucks with your stories.

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