One girl two cups

Today, I have the blogging twinge.

I can’t help myself but write about the most interesting experience that has occurred in my wonderful and exciting life. Today was pay day – if you are anything like myself you jump up and down with joy because you just got paid. Then, you cry because all your money is going on bills. You then work out a loose budget with the little money you have left.

This month I decided it was bra month. Yes, as a women we are expected to buy what can only be described as material things to cover our modesty. In my case, I have large assets that cause back pain, larger tops and joy to men (sorry but it is true).

I stroll into town, enjoying the sights and sounds of spring. The sun is shining and it was beautiful. I was on a mission.

I was a bra missionary.

If I am being honest, I haven’t been shopping for breast holders in while, because they are so expensive.

Seriously, all underwear is so over priced. Shops have released that we can’t live without it, so they just double, triple or even quadruple the price for something that most of the time no one can see.

You wake up, absent-mindedly grab whatever underwear is on top of your underwear pile, put it on and away you go – to fight the day.

I personally, do not spend hours debating which piece of underwear I will be wearing….underneath my clothes – because it is under my clothes. Let’s face it, for some unknown reason – that I have not researched into depth – it is socially unacceptable not to wear underwear. I mean, was underwear designed as a fashion statement back in the day?

But, for those who are interested the undergarment was invented for:

  1. Extra warmth
  2. They keep outer wear from being ruined or as Wikipedia states – being soiled.
  3. Bra’s  provide support for breasts and apparently the bra is 100 years old.
  4. Underwear can also be used to seduce someone of your desire – however removing it in a moment of passion can be difficult… well, so I have heard…

So there you go a lesson about underwear.

Sorry, I changed the subject.

I went bra shopping because it would appear that social norms require me to purchase such items. I went to a popular chain usually associated with food and old people’s clothing. This isn’t normal food… it’s really gooood food. Enough already. I am sure you have guessed.

Apparently, they have an excellent underwear department.

I walk into the shop and search for the lingerie section, which is no where to be seen. In fact, it is located next door to the mens clothing section on the first floor.

Wow. Shop designers what an excellent and awkward place to put it.

Now, I have to pick my underwear while men peer at me through shirts and trousers just across the room. The other situation, which I enjoy is the awkward faces of husbands, partners or boyfriends standing awkwardly next to the ‘DD+ push up bra’ section, while they wait for their wives, girlfriends, partners etc –  try on bras in the fitting rooms. Do I smile at them? Oh yes I do,  because I enjoy the uncomfortable situation, of a strange man looking at me… as I pick up by matching pants and bra set.

Picking bra’s is difficult as well as uncomfortable.

Firstly, before you can even pick up a bra.

You need to ask yourself…what size am I?

It is advised to get a bra fitting when purchasing bra’s because all women are different shapes sizes and the body may have changed shape over night. Heaven forbid. Well, I ask the lady if she stocks my bra size – I was currently wearing. She then says very loudly.

‘NO we do not have that size here, that is rather large’

Oh excellent thank-you!  This lovely lady obviously had no tact or just thought it was banter –  proclaiming  to the whole of the lingerie section, the awkward husbands, boyfriends,  partners and of course the whole mens clothing section – that my breasts are too large for your selection of bra’s.

Bloody hell. After having being shoved into a changing room and brought a selection of bra’s – that would fit on my head and double up as an old fashioned hat. It would appear I was saved. There was a size that fitted me.

I then went out into the wilderness and then had to selection of bras and pants. It is so difficult to find a bra that is pleasing to the eye. Then they don’t have your size. Frustrating is an under-statement.

However, I thought I would splash out and buy matching underwear! I mean who actually wears matching underwear…

I arriving at the check-out.

I was robbed.

Yes robbed.

£77 pounds later I am now allowed to wear a bra.

Bastards.

 

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “One girl two cups

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s