“I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn’t click.”

It has been a long time since I have written about my dating experiences. However, I have been on a lot of dates recently. In fact, it has been crazy. So now I have come to the conclusion that maybe I am just too fussy when it comes to love. But, logically I am getting to the age where a man isn’t just for the summer – it could be for life.

My mother had ‘the chat’ with me the other day. Apparently I really should settle down and writing about my dating isn’t such a good idea… whoops! Even worse, I filmed myself on a date. It would appear that didn’t go down well with her either. I tried to explain that most men think it is awesome that I write about my dates and filming one is taking it to another level.

In this blog, I am going to tell you about each individual that I have been on a date with in the last three weeks – I am afraid to say that there have been four. Is that bad? In America it is actually accepted. Mulitple dating. Although, I would never date more than one person at the same time, well if it came to second dates.

Number 1:

I met the first date in the weridest situation possible. I could have been the best love story ever written, however it did not work out at all. A few weeks ago I was assaulted in a well-known Australian themed pub. It was terrible and terrifying. It was not enjoyable and did not add any particular joy and excitement to my life. The local authority enforcers actually did nothing – shocking! I felt like it was my fault – being grabbed round the neck and thrown to the ground. Maybe, it was because I was a women. As security allowed this man to smoke outside, while I was dragged out. Anyhow, thus came my knight in shining armour, he rang the local authority enforcers and hugged me while I sobbed into his expensive woollen coat. He even spoke to my best friend, who offers much advise on law as she is currently training to be a solicitor – I am sure she will deal with many more of my life problems that acquire law help. After this situation and of course nothing was done, the knight asked for my number and we subsequently went on a date to the cinema, a few days later. He was a teacher, which was fine, until he started telling me off and going all teacher on me. We had a second date, whereby he made me dinner which was lovely. I bought the wine – because I am an independent women of independent means. We had some kind of spinach tart – which was very thoughtful because I had slight iron deficiency. Anyhow, I felt as though I was having dinner with both my parents, the conversation was so grown-up. We chatted about work, future plans and holiday plans. He was absolutely lovely but he wasn’t something you could end up building a magical den in the kitchen with. Yes – I like doing that kind of thing. Another favourite is hiding and jumping out at people. I often do this to my father who one day will probably have a heart attack. I will refrain from doing this.

Number 2:

Well, I joined Plenty of Fish again. To be honest, I thought the dating blog was looking slightly thin and I needed some more material! This date was probably the most exciting I have ever had! It was filmed! Pa! Yes, I have recently started a new venture with my friend Alex. We have started our own YouTube Channel called ‘No One Cares TV’ where we do 100 things we have never done before. It is looking a little thin on the ground because we are all so so busy and important! The first venture or episode was to film one of my dates… because I am so amazing and good at them. I won’t say much about this young man because you will have to watch the date for yourself. However, he was such a good sport in allowing us to film him. I apologise for the sound quality – it is a work in progress!

Number 3

This dating series involved three-ish dates, a record for me I think. However, we had the ‘let’s just be friends chat’ which is forever awkward. We went to the cinema to see ‘The Need for Speed’ – it has the guy in it from Breaking Bad, I think he plays Jessie- he looks very very strange. He has put weight back on and it seems to have all gone to his face, he looks like a chubby hamster. For some reason men seem to be taking me on dates to the cinema – does this mean they don’t have to speak to me or so I don’t speak! We had a lot in common. But I think I had met my match in ‘fussy’ – I guess it is about time that I did though. I was introduced to a-lot of his friends as well – to be honest I couldn’t work out whether it was a test or whether I was being put in the ‘friend zone’ it was very difficult to gage and quite stressful. I had to concentrate on making a good impression to all of his friends – for my own sanity. Luckily, the friend zone was engaged and now we just ‘hang out’ and play werid card games. For the first time ever – I have actually made a new friend through the medium of dating! How? Nobody knows?

Number 4

Ahhhh – this was a lovely date – I took him to my usual dating bar. In fact, the bar staff know me in there because I use it for most of my dates. It used to be located round the corner from my old house – so it was safe. Now it isn’t that close to my household, but it is an excellent location. It makes me look sophisticated, someone with taste – however, for some reason unknown to me I have started drinking pints of Carling…so not so sophisticated. Sadly, on this date I drank only water because I had no money – I did not want him to buy me any drinks because I always feel bad – plus a pint cost him £4.20 – daylight robbery (although it was night-time). In an interesting twist this young man was friends with a friend of my housemate. Apparently, my photo had done its rounds around his friends…! Which freaked me out. My housemates friend had apparently said I was really nice – we have never met. But, I guess my amazingness precedes me. Therefore, we had to go on a date – if not and only for my reputation. It turned out we had far too much in common. We stayed until closing time, which is usual for me. It is quite interesting watching a bar close up for the night. Ha, it was very

So, I have agreed to a second date. We are going for steak on friday… keep you posted!

 

‘hello there, if you stopped mentally masturbating over your body we could all have a go on the weights…’

I would firstly like to apologise for my lack of blogging. I kind of went and got myself a job… I know right. Anyhow…

After an exteremely long day at work, there is nothing more we want to do than sink into the sofa, glass of wine in hand and watch unimportant television. That’s how today’s professionals relax – well speaking from my own experiences. But after completing this ritual every night for a week, it is fair to say you have achieved absolutely nothing of importance during the week. Recently, I have become a gym-bunny – three or four times a week I finish work, trek to the gym, complete my work-out, walk home, cook, eat and then slowly melted into bed.

I think you all know what’s coming – I thought it would be wonderful to write about what I have observed and had to deal with while completing the government recommended amount of regular excercise. To give you an insight into my daily routine – I have to walk to and from work lugging all my gym attire because we are not allowed to leave stuff in lockers in the gym – which is understandable. Otherwise there would be no lockers left at all. However, I have already completed a half an hour work out before I even start work – usually I have to remove most of my clothing when I get to work because I am so hot and sweaty… so having a locker would be most agreeable.

The changing room is always interesting. I have come to the conclusion that everyone has the same parts. I am not going to go and hide or hold a towel with my teeth as I struggle to get underdressed. Funnily enough yes we all have breasts and a vagina in the women’s changing room… Therefore what is really the point in hiding. I know that some people suffer from body issues but we are all here for the same reason – to get fit and improve what god gave us.

On the other hand, some people are very comfortable and enjoy hair-drying their bodies after a shower or a dip in the pool. Yes naked bodies. Drying their bodies with a hair-dryer. Or weighing themselves naked. Baffling. But yet amusing. I don’t stare in a pervert manor. I just can’t help but think. Thank you for bring entertainment to this changing room. This sight is always mixed with ‘Oh my god, he didn’t call me,’ ‘She is such a bitch’ ‘I said to my husband to take the rubbish out and he just didn’t’ ‘Have you finished that essay/presentation yet?’ ‘Are you going out tonight… I really want to get wasted..’ This is a selection of what goes on when I am ripping my clothes off.

The gym is full of many different people. It is fasinating.

1. There are your fitness fantaics who are there to run miles and miles on the treadmill,  as they prepare for marathon number ten – I personally enjoy racing them on the treadmill. Let me explain, they increase the speed, I increase mine that little bit more… and so on until I of course win.

2. There are groups of girls who follow a strict fitness plan, they attend classes, wear tight lyrca leggings and excercise, wash and go to the toilet in groups.

3. There are groups of guys who don’t part-take in any cardio excercise at all. Instead they line up behind one another doing weights. Let me explain the set up… one guy lifts weights that are far too heavy for him, another guy ‘spots him’ so that he doesn’t drop the weights and hurt himself, whilst this is going three or four other guys crowd round the weightlifter. Then they rotate. WIthin this group – there is always a really really skinny guy who should lift slightly smaller weights.

The wife beaters are out in force. Protein shakers are in abundance. The swagger to the water machine is OUT!

4. There are the gym goers who love themselves – whether it is a women who thinks wearing tight lycra trousers and just a sports bra is OK – it is not – firstly the men who are trying to excercise can’t concentrate. Sadily all female empowerement goes out of the window and the girl is greeted by digusted or jealous looks(depending on the person) from fellow female gym-users.  Or you have the men who basically get off on watching themseleves lift weights in the mirror – if they could have sex with themselves they would… Just saying. I really want to say – ‘hello there, if you stopped mentally masturbating over your body we could all have a go on the weights…

4. There are then your single excercisers who don’t want to be spoken to. They balance their excercise routine and do both weights and cardio and are digusted by everyone else in the gym. This is me. Literally go away, I do not want to engage in any conversation with you and no I do not care what you have to say.

5. Finally, you have the gym staff – who work in the gym but also feel the need to prove to everyone that they can:

  1. Use the gym equipment
  2. Have bigger muscles than everyone else
  3. Love themselves
  4. Only speak to regular gym goers
  5. Swig from protein shakes like its tea
  6. Use the gym equipment at the busiest time possible because ‘it’s their right’

The list continues….

After you have had to battle through the variety of different gym users and finally completed your work-out, it is time to take the next step, whether this is showering or using the swimming pool faclities. This is actually one of the most difficult steps at the gym.

I usually use the steam room or the sauna which is fantastic way to chill out and relax your poor excercised body. However, I have experienced a variety of interesting situations and conversations within the confines of the sauna. Firstly, what can be worse than entering the sauna to be greeted by a selection of your work colleagues – let me tell you – NOTHING! You cannot leave because it is rude. Then you have to engage in polite conversation whilst you try to cover as much of your body as possible in the process… they have basically seen you naked. You then have to look forward to the awkward corridor hellos and kitchen meetings… you know what they have seen.

Another annoying and un-amusing situation is dealing with regular gym users – those users you see all the time. They go to the gym at similar times but you have never actually spoken to them. For some reason unknown to me, the sauna seems to be the place where people feel like its ok to start up conversation… I do not know you… but feel that because you see each other at the gym it is approiate to engage in unimportant chit chat. Absolutely not. Sod off.

The other situation I have to say I do enjoy is sitting in the steam room with 15 male students as they proceeed to fufill every-single male stereotype there is! They are oblivious that I am sitting there. I have learnt about the whole history of Chelsea football clubs winning and loosing history, what a girl should and shouldn’t do in bed and toilet antics….

Whereas, groups of women also fufill stereotypes as they basically reinact the famous mirror scene from mean girls… ‘Oh my god my legs are huge.’ ‘If you think your legs are huge look at my stomach…’

Then we have to shower. Please please will someone explain to me why the glass is barely frosted and I have to be greeted by images of people’s bodies pressed up against the glass walls (that then becomes infrosted) as they pick up shampoo bottles or things they have dropped. Furthermore – WHY ARE YOU SHARING SHOWERS…. this is not ok. I don’t want to feel anymore uncomfortbale washing my body.

So there you have it. The gym uncovered. A comprehensive guide to a particular gym in Leicester.