I’m Back…

I am not sure how to start this, but after half a bottle of wine and a few bites of Vietnamese take away I think I am ready!

It is great sadness and after a wonderful year and a half I find myself well and truly single. However this time, I’m single in London. All the rules are out of the window, because dating in London is complicated. Very complicated.

In the last week I have downloaded and joined three separate online dating apps. I became reacquainted with my old friend Tinder, waited and watched nothing happen on ‘Happn’ and buzzed out of ‘Bumble.’

For those of you who are still loved up with the ‘one,’ let me explain how it all works –  in fact, take this a invite to live your imaginary dating life vicariously through me…

I’m back.

“I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn’t click.”

It has been a long time since I have written about my dating experiences. However, I have been on a lot of dates recently. In fact, it has been crazy. So now I have come to the conclusion that maybe I am just too fussy when it comes to love. But, logically I am getting to the age where a man isn’t just for the summer – it could be for life.

My mother had ‘the chat’ with me the other day. Apparently I really should settle down and writing about my dating isn’t such a good idea… whoops! Even worse, I filmed myself on a date. It would appear that didn’t go down well with her either. I tried to explain that most men think it is awesome that I write about my dates and filming one is taking it to another level.

In this blog, I am going to tell you about each individual that I have been on a date with in the last three weeks – I am afraid to say that there have been four. Is that bad? In America it is actually accepted. Mulitple dating. Although, I would never date more than one person at the same time, well if it came to second dates.

Number 1:

I met the first date in the weridest situation possible. I could have been the best love story ever written, however it did not work out at all. A few weeks ago I was assaulted in a well-known Australian themed pub. It was terrible and terrifying. It was not enjoyable and did not add any particular joy and excitement to my life. The local authority enforcers actually did nothing – shocking! I felt like it was my fault – being grabbed round the neck and thrown to the ground. Maybe, it was because I was a women. As security allowed this man to smoke outside, while I was dragged out. Anyhow, thus came my knight in shining armour, he rang the local authority enforcers and hugged me while I sobbed into his expensive woollen coat. He even spoke to my best friend, who offers much advise on law as she is currently training to be a solicitor – I am sure she will deal with many more of my life problems that acquire law help. After this situation and of course nothing was done, the knight asked for my number and we subsequently went on a date to the cinema, a few days later. He was a teacher, which was fine, until he started telling me off and going all teacher on me. We had a second date, whereby he made me dinner which was lovely. I bought the wine – because I am an independent women of independent means. We had some kind of spinach tart – which was very thoughtful because I had slight iron deficiency. Anyhow, I felt as though I was having dinner with both my parents, the conversation was so grown-up. We chatted about work, future plans and holiday plans. He was absolutely lovely but he wasn’t something you could end up building a magical den in the kitchen with. Yes – I like doing that kind of thing. Another favourite is hiding and jumping out at people. I often do this to my father who one day will probably have a heart attack. I will refrain from doing this.

Number 2:

Well, I joined Plenty of Fish again. To be honest, I thought the dating blog was looking slightly thin and I needed some more material! This date was probably the most exciting I have ever had! It was filmed! Pa! Yes, I have recently started a new venture with my friend Alex. We have started our own YouTube Channel called ‘No One Cares TV’ where we do 100 things we have never done before. It is looking a little thin on the ground because we are all so so busy and important! The first venture or episode was to film one of my dates… because I am so amazing and good at them. I won’t say much about this young man because you will have to watch the date for yourself. However, he was such a good sport in allowing us to film him. I apologise for the sound quality – it is a work in progress!

Number 3

This dating series involved three-ish dates, a record for me I think. However, we had the ‘let’s just be friends chat’ which is forever awkward. We went to the cinema to see ‘The Need for Speed’ – it has the guy in it from Breaking Bad, I think he plays Jessie- he looks very very strange. He has put weight back on and it seems to have all gone to his face, he looks like a chubby hamster. For some reason men seem to be taking me on dates to the cinema – does this mean they don’t have to speak to me or so I don’t speak! We had a lot in common. But I think I had met my match in ‘fussy’ – I guess it is about time that I did though. I was introduced to a-lot of his friends as well – to be honest I couldn’t work out whether it was a test or whether I was being put in the ‘friend zone’ it was very difficult to gage and quite stressful. I had to concentrate on making a good impression to all of his friends – for my own sanity. Luckily, the friend zone was engaged and now we just ‘hang out’ and play werid card games. For the first time ever – I have actually made a new friend through the medium of dating! How? Nobody knows?

Number 4

Ahhhh – this was a lovely date – I took him to my usual dating bar. In fact, the bar staff know me in there because I use it for most of my dates. It used to be located round the corner from my old house – so it was safe. Now it isn’t that close to my household, but it is an excellent location. It makes me look sophisticated, someone with taste – however, for some reason unknown to me I have started drinking pints of Carling…so not so sophisticated. Sadly, on this date I drank only water because I had no money – I did not want him to buy me any drinks because I always feel bad – plus a pint cost him £4.20 – daylight robbery (although it was night-time). In an interesting twist this young man was friends with a friend of my housemate. Apparently, my photo had done its rounds around his friends…! Which freaked me out. My housemates friend had apparently said I was really nice – we have never met. But, I guess my amazingness precedes me. Therefore, we had to go on a date – if not and only for my reputation. It turned out we had far too much in common. We stayed until closing time, which is usual for me. It is quite interesting watching a bar close up for the night. Ha, it was very

So, I have agreed to a second date. We are going for steak on friday… keep you posted!

 

‘hello there, if you stopped mentally masturbating over your body we could all have a go on the weights…’

I would firstly like to apologise for my lack of blogging. I kind of went and got myself a job… I know right. Anyhow…

After an exteremely long day at work, there is nothing more we want to do than sink into the sofa, glass of wine in hand and watch unimportant television. That’s how today’s professionals relax – well speaking from my own experiences. But after completing this ritual every night for a week, it is fair to say you have achieved absolutely nothing of importance during the week. Recently, I have become a gym-bunny – three or four times a week I finish work, trek to the gym, complete my work-out, walk home, cook, eat and then slowly melted into bed.

I think you all know what’s coming – I thought it would be wonderful to write about what I have observed and had to deal with while completing the government recommended amount of regular excercise. To give you an insight into my daily routine – I have to walk to and from work lugging all my gym attire because we are not allowed to leave stuff in lockers in the gym – which is understandable. Otherwise there would be no lockers left at all. However, I have already completed a half an hour work out before I even start work – usually I have to remove most of my clothing when I get to work because I am so hot and sweaty… so having a locker would be most agreeable.

The changing room is always interesting. I have come to the conclusion that everyone has the same parts. I am not going to go and hide or hold a towel with my teeth as I struggle to get underdressed. Funnily enough yes we all have breasts and a vagina in the women’s changing room… Therefore what is really the point in hiding. I know that some people suffer from body issues but we are all here for the same reason – to get fit and improve what god gave us.

On the other hand, some people are very comfortable and enjoy hair-drying their bodies after a shower or a dip in the pool. Yes naked bodies. Drying their bodies with a hair-dryer. Or weighing themselves naked. Baffling. But yet amusing. I don’t stare in a pervert manor. I just can’t help but think. Thank you for bring entertainment to this changing room. This sight is always mixed with ‘Oh my god, he didn’t call me,’ ‘She is such a bitch’ ‘I said to my husband to take the rubbish out and he just didn’t’ ‘Have you finished that essay/presentation yet?’ ‘Are you going out tonight… I really want to get wasted..’ This is a selection of what goes on when I am ripping my clothes off.

The gym is full of many different people. It is fasinating.

1. There are your fitness fantaics who are there to run miles and miles on the treadmill,  as they prepare for marathon number ten – I personally enjoy racing them on the treadmill. Let me explain, they increase the speed, I increase mine that little bit more… and so on until I of course win.

2. There are groups of girls who follow a strict fitness plan, they attend classes, wear tight lyrca leggings and excercise, wash and go to the toilet in groups.

3. There are groups of guys who don’t part-take in any cardio excercise at all. Instead they line up behind one another doing weights. Let me explain the set up… one guy lifts weights that are far too heavy for him, another guy ‘spots him’ so that he doesn’t drop the weights and hurt himself, whilst this is going three or four other guys crowd round the weightlifter. Then they rotate. WIthin this group – there is always a really really skinny guy who should lift slightly smaller weights.

The wife beaters are out in force. Protein shakers are in abundance. The swagger to the water machine is OUT!

4. There are the gym goers who love themselves – whether it is a women who thinks wearing tight lycra trousers and just a sports bra is OK – it is not – firstly the men who are trying to excercise can’t concentrate. Sadily all female empowerement goes out of the window and the girl is greeted by digusted or jealous looks(depending on the person) from fellow female gym-users.  Or you have the men who basically get off on watching themseleves lift weights in the mirror – if they could have sex with themselves they would… Just saying. I really want to say – ‘hello there, if you stopped mentally masturbating over your body we could all have a go on the weights…

4. There are then your single excercisers who don’t want to be spoken to. They balance their excercise routine and do both weights and cardio and are digusted by everyone else in the gym. This is me. Literally go away, I do not want to engage in any conversation with you and no I do not care what you have to say.

5. Finally, you have the gym staff – who work in the gym but also feel the need to prove to everyone that they can:

  1. Use the gym equipment
  2. Have bigger muscles than everyone else
  3. Love themselves
  4. Only speak to regular gym goers
  5. Swig from protein shakes like its tea
  6. Use the gym equipment at the busiest time possible because ‘it’s their right’

The list continues….

After you have had to battle through the variety of different gym users and finally completed your work-out, it is time to take the next step, whether this is showering or using the swimming pool faclities. This is actually one of the most difficult steps at the gym.

I usually use the steam room or the sauna which is fantastic way to chill out and relax your poor excercised body. However, I have experienced a variety of interesting situations and conversations within the confines of the sauna. Firstly, what can be worse than entering the sauna to be greeted by a selection of your work colleagues – let me tell you – NOTHING! You cannot leave because it is rude. Then you have to engage in polite conversation whilst you try to cover as much of your body as possible in the process… they have basically seen you naked. You then have to look forward to the awkward corridor hellos and kitchen meetings… you know what they have seen.

Another annoying and un-amusing situation is dealing with regular gym users – those users you see all the time. They go to the gym at similar times but you have never actually spoken to them. For some reason unknown to me, the sauna seems to be the place where people feel like its ok to start up conversation… I do not know you… but feel that because you see each other at the gym it is approiate to engage in unimportant chit chat. Absolutely not. Sod off.

The other situation I have to say I do enjoy is sitting in the steam room with 15 male students as they proceeed to fufill every-single male stereotype there is! They are oblivious that I am sitting there. I have learnt about the whole history of Chelsea football clubs winning and loosing history, what a girl should and shouldn’t do in bed and toilet antics….

Whereas, groups of women also fufill stereotypes as they basically reinact the famous mirror scene from mean girls… ‘Oh my god my legs are huge.’ ‘If you think your legs are huge look at my stomach…’

Then we have to shower. Please please will someone explain to me why the glass is barely frosted and I have to be greeted by images of people’s bodies pressed up against the glass walls (that then becomes infrosted) as they pick up shampoo bottles or things they have dropped. Furthermore – WHY ARE YOU SHARING SHOWERS…. this is not ok. I don’t want to feel anymore uncomfortbale washing my body.

So there you have it. The gym uncovered. A comprehensive guide to a particular gym in Leicester.

One girl two cups

Today, I have the blogging twinge.

I can’t help myself but write about the most interesting experience that has occurred in my wonderful and exciting life. Today was pay day – if you are anything like myself you jump up and down with joy because you just got paid. Then, you cry because all your money is going on bills. You then work out a loose budget with the little money you have left.

This month I decided it was bra month. Yes, as a women we are expected to buy what can only be described as material things to cover our modesty. In my case, I have large assets that cause back pain, larger tops and joy to men (sorry but it is true).

I stroll into town, enjoying the sights and sounds of spring. The sun is shining and it was beautiful. I was on a mission.

I was a bra missionary.

If I am being honest, I haven’t been shopping for breast holders in while, because they are so expensive.

Seriously, all underwear is so over priced. Shops have released that we can’t live without it, so they just double, triple or even quadruple the price for something that most of the time no one can see.

You wake up, absent-mindedly grab whatever underwear is on top of your underwear pile, put it on and away you go – to fight the day.

I personally, do not spend hours debating which piece of underwear I will be wearing….underneath my clothes – because it is under my clothes. Let’s face it, for some unknown reason – that I have not researched into depth – it is socially unacceptable not to wear underwear. I mean, was underwear designed as a fashion statement back in the day?

But, for those who are interested the undergarment was invented for:

  1. Extra warmth
  2. They keep outer wear from being ruined or as Wikipedia states – being soiled.
  3. Bra’s  provide support for breasts and apparently the bra is 100 years old.
  4. Underwear can also be used to seduce someone of your desire – however removing it in a moment of passion can be difficult… well, so I have heard…

So there you go a lesson about underwear.

Sorry, I changed the subject.

I went bra shopping because it would appear that social norms require me to purchase such items. I went to a popular chain usually associated with food and old people’s clothing. This isn’t normal food… it’s really gooood food. Enough already. I am sure you have guessed.

Apparently, they have an excellent underwear department.

I walk into the shop and search for the lingerie section, which is no where to be seen. In fact, it is located next door to the mens clothing section on the first floor.

Wow. Shop designers what an excellent and awkward place to put it.

Now, I have to pick my underwear while men peer at me through shirts and trousers just across the room. The other situation, which I enjoy is the awkward faces of husbands, partners or boyfriends standing awkwardly next to the ‘DD+ push up bra’ section, while they wait for their wives, girlfriends, partners etc –  try on bras in the fitting rooms. Do I smile at them? Oh yes I do,  because I enjoy the uncomfortable situation, of a strange man looking at me… as I pick up by matching pants and bra set.

Picking bra’s is difficult as well as uncomfortable.

Firstly, before you can even pick up a bra.

You need to ask yourself…what size am I?

It is advised to get a bra fitting when purchasing bra’s because all women are different shapes sizes and the body may have changed shape over night. Heaven forbid. Well, I ask the lady if she stocks my bra size – I was currently wearing. She then says very loudly.

‘NO we do not have that size here, that is rather large’

Oh excellent thank-you!  This lovely lady obviously had no tact or just thought it was banter –  proclaiming  to the whole of the lingerie section, the awkward husbands, boyfriends,  partners and of course the whole mens clothing section – that my breasts are too large for your selection of bra’s.

Bloody hell. After having being shoved into a changing room and brought a selection of bra’s – that would fit on my head and double up as an old fashioned hat. It would appear I was saved. There was a size that fitted me.

I then went out into the wilderness and then had to selection of bras and pants. It is so difficult to find a bra that is pleasing to the eye. Then they don’t have your size. Frustrating is an under-statement.

However, I thought I would splash out and buy matching underwear! I mean who actually wears matching underwear…

I arriving at the check-out.

I was robbed.

Yes robbed.

£77 pounds later I am now allowed to wear a bra.

Bastards.

 

Dating: Tinder THE NAKED TRUTH

As my series on dating has shown my dating has been a pretty interesting experience, to say the least. It has had some ups but to be honest mostly downs. But, weridly these downs have been pretty amusing. Everything you have read in these blogs has been completely and utterly true. No truth has been stretched. Nothing has been made up for your entertainment. Maybe – it is the men I am attracted to. Maybe – its because I keep trying new things and moving away from my norm. I don’t think I have a type but upon reflection – its staring me in the face.

Am I desperate? Do I pine to spend time with someone because everyone else round me is in happy relationships. Honestly – the answer is strangely no. You find yourself spending weekends in bed eating peanut butter on toast, drinking tea and then eating a whole jar of peanut butter off a knife – which I have found I love doing. Whilst, your housemate and close friends travel to the different corners of the country to visit their other halves. Joyous. Its lovely and of course I am extremely happy for each and everyone of them. I have found weekends an exciting time to travel, see new friends and see old ones.

They say your twenties are a time for exploring, finding yourself and having fun. I am doing all of those things. I am twenty- two years old and yes, I am single! Who cares! I am loving it. What will the future bring? I have hopefully a prosperous career. At the drop of a hat I could go anywhere in the world.

But, its time to stop. Its time to stop looking. Stop settling just to fit in.

So, I really don’t need a man to complete my life at the moment. Anyone who knows me will realise that I am a career women who wants to be successful in the an industry that needs you to constantly be on top. Constantly up-to-date. Constantly ahead of everyone else. In fact, be more prepared and live life in the fast lane.

Tinder

So that’s why I joined Tinder….

Ha! Got you there.

Tinder is a wonderful invention.

The set up of Tinder is simple.

It connects secretly with Facebook and steals your name, age and a small sample of photos.

You can upload extra photos so that the male/female players can judge you further.

The whole app is based on location – which you can set from 2km to 150km away. I usually have my set to the closet possible which is 2km. I can’t be doing with the prospect of travelling. All though I am sure you all know from my POF dating experiences, men usually travel to see me. I am cool like that.

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Tinder gets better. In fact you don’t even really need to be able to read to use it. It just has pictures. It is dating for the lazy. You can Tinder anywhere!

Tinder

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of course, there is a short blurb section where people mostly write their Twitter, Facebook, BBM pins and Snap-chat names so you can stalk them further. Personally, I think most people are just trying to get extra followers.

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But Tinder cuts the crap. I don’t need to read a long profile about how amazing you were at teaching children in other countries, that you’ve travelled to Thailand and touched a tiger, you just live for the gym and your friends are your life…

Trust me I have read the same blurb hundreds of times and seen the same photos over and over again. Sadly, your travelling experience would appear to be the same as everyone else’s….! So, if you thought that you had a unique experience  I am afraid that 50-60% of people on Tinder have touched a tiger or an elephant, been to a Thailand full moon party, taught in a foreign school, strangely held a snake or been to an American Basketball game.

Tinder is simple.

I look at a photo of you and for all three seconds

of my life I decide if you are attractive. If you fit the bill I swipe my finger to the right and if you don’t really meet my desires its on the scrap heap, swipe to the left!

If both parties have swiped to the right. “It’s a match!’

This then gets added to your match section.

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If I am being honest it is a bit of an ego boost.

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I have currently 545 matches… and sadly they mean nothing.

Then if you can be bothered you can engage in awkward conversation with this person.

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I must say it is just men looking for an easy leg over. I do not part-take in such activities. However, I do enjoy ripping people apart when such requests should be proposed. I actually feel like I am doing these men a favour by either telling them off or messing them around.

I thought I would give you some excellent examples of people I have had to deal with – let me add I have protected their identities.

Personally Marvin (below) is one of my favourites…. and to the rest of the desperate men out there… I hope to god you learn. Thank you Marvin.

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I now proclaim that this dating game has begun!

hannah 2Hello, my name is Hannah and yes after this date… I am still single…

The dating had indeed begun.

To be honest, the men on this dating website were well, much to be desired.

However, it had crossed my mind that maybe I was getting a little too fussy. In my whole twenty-two years I have never been on or even asked on a date. I believe that when in a relationship the meals out, cinema trips and holidays away don’t really count. For one you are already in a relationship. The chase is already complete.

So I was a dating virgin.

Cringe!  But I had been in two rather interesting relationships for the last 7 years and no they didn’t overlap. One was during sixth form and the other was through-out University. In terms of boyfriends I hadn’t been short. But love – I had been unlucky.

Firstly before we jump headlong into dating here is some advice that my mother gave me.

The great dating advice from my mother:

  • Always be yourself
  • Don’t wear anything to revealing – if you have your breasts out hide your legs or if you have your legs out keep your breasts at bay.
  • Don’t wear too much make-up because if all goes smoothly and you eventually do starting going out he is going to get a shock when he sees you without make-up
  • If it is a really bad date – just get drunk.

Of course you always listen to your mother, so I took the plunge and went on my first date.

It was a rather spontaneous affair, if I say so myself. As previously mentioned in my last blog ‘Don’t cry you’re only single…’ I was dating on the move. Dating on the move was just another string to my bow.

On this particular day, I was prancing through town spending money I didn’t have.  The young man in question (who I had been speaking to) dropped me a message asking me if I fancied meeting him in town. Well, I was already in town and therefore if I said no, there was a high possibility of bumping into him… so I accepted his invitation to sip a light alcoholic beverage at One O’Clock in the afternoon – how delightful.

If anyone has decided or been persuaded by my excellent and witting writing skills to begin online dating – spontaneous dates are the way to go. In fact, on this occasion I was following my mother’s rules without even realising it. I was not wearing any make- up.

I had no time to be worried. So, off I trotted to a quaint cafe/pub thing to meet the young gentleman. He was a lovely young man, however he was wearing what I can only call the most orange hat I have ever seen in my life, matching orange trimmed bag and orange trimmed shoes.

Boy – this boy loved orange.

When he removed the orange hat… what was revealed gave me a small shock but I continued to smile sweetly as he ordered me a smoothie (I had decided against drinking due to a lack of food consumed that day – I would either get absolutely wasted on one glass of wine or fall asleep both equally embarrassing).

Yes, he removed his hat and he was BALD. Unfortunately as much as I tried to move past this small molehill I was unable to get past it. Throughout the whole friendly conversation… round and round my head constantly was the question.

You are twenty-four and bald. Why? Why oh why?

You must understand that I do have a slight issue with hair. From a young age I have been scared of men with beards and used to regularly hide behind my parents sofa when bearded friends came to visit. However, that day I learnt I also had a problem with no hair at all. To add to this fact he was also slightly shorter than me. The shortness is some kind of native primal reproducing no no – whereby if he isn’t taller than you – your ovaries shrink away and proclaim that this is not a suitable mate.

We finished our drinks and I was greeted by a phone call from my friend Scarlett who was going to be staying me for two weeks while she completed a short stint of work experience and waited for the move-in date for her new house. I had to go home and let her into my ground-floor flat. Date number one came along – whereby Scarlett looked happy to see a man. Scarlett then managed to get him to carry all of her suitcases into my house…

In any situation in life – I made tea and we conversed leisurely.

When he decided to leave we hugged awkwardly… I seriously have no idea what to do when you say goodbye after a date. However, no kissing absolutely not.

For the life of me I do not know why I agreed to go on a second date the poor guy had been used and abused as a removal man, he was too short, he liked orange and he was bald.

The next date consisted of him telling me over dinner at a rather well-known Southern Indian restaurant that has recently been done for poisoning half of our local council including the health food inspectors on their christmas party – that he had never met anyone like me and I was almost like the girl version of him….

Oh god.

Then he asked if he could kiss me – I don’t know why I said it but I said…

You have to wait ten dates!

I am such a bad person because I knew full well that this lovely man was not the one for me. Seriously there was nothing wrong with him in terms of the conversations that we were having. But the more and more I looked and listened the more and more I just couldn’t do it.

So there you have it my very first date was out of the way. I promise you they get worse and worse as they go on.

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Trip Advisor: Hospital Trip Part 5

Operation

Chapter 10: The operation

The time had come – I was presented with a paper of sexy paper pants… and a gorgeous green dress which was extremely slinky. In fact it didn’t even have a back by just tied up at the back.

I had to get changed of course into my night-dress and then the ladies on my ward asked me to show them how I looked. So I strutted up and down the ward wheeling my drip and limping. I looked so sexy.

The porter who was called Alan came to wheel my bed down and I left the wonderful women of my ward behind and off I went down to theatre.

Of course being me it wasn’t that simple… I had the whole question and answer test with the anesthetist. Who asked me so my questions about my life. After finding out I had been throwing up he proclaimed that I would need a rapid induction when they put me to sleep.

In otherwords… I was going to be strangled…. yes. Strangled in a hopsital.

I was wheeled into the theatre where I was greeted by a lovely gentleman dressed head to toe in mistletoe green who introduced himself as Kevin my surgeon – yes his name was Kevin that really made me feel confident.

The last thing I remember before I was strangled and put to sleep I said:

‘Kevin, if you ruin my stomach I will literally kill you’

Then I woke up and I was cured….

Well I am sure you realised that I was not the end of my terrible trip to hospital.

I of course needed a drink considering I hadn’t had water pass my lips for about 2 days – but alas the nurses had placed the water to far away that I couldnt reach it. I couldn’t reach the bell either maybe they were doing it for banter…

I had to call for help – Florence Nightingale did not appear. I was actually asked why I needed help and that most patients after they have opeartions sleep….

WELL I AM AWAKE.

I then asked for some help to get to the toilet…. the nurse then asked me why I needed help excatly?

Yes this did occur to which I replied in the politest way possible… ‘Well I have just had an operation, I cannot walk… I haven’t been to the toilet for nearly six hours.’ She was unamused but yet escorted me to the toilet.

Weeing in the toilet was such a joyus experience the sense of relieve was beautiful. Well, until I got stuck on the toilet and had to ask for help. My stomach felt like someone had punched me 30 times in a row just for banter and then decided to punch me again just for good measure.

I am glad to say I survived the night and I slept properly for the first time in 3 or 4 days to be honest it was a little hazy.

However, waking up to the Doctor and his gang of 10 doctors was not so joyous. Whether you need sleep or not the lights go off at the same time every night and they are turned on at the same time of the morning.

I greeted the doctor and his merry friends as best I good as I was poked and prodded again. I was asked if the pain had gone and to be honest I was throbbing but I had got used to the dull pain by now.

I needed painkillers. The doctor agreed. I thought bloody hell I am getting good at this – if all else fails I shall become a doctor… hahah. However, sadly I waited nearly 5 hours to be given some painkillers.

But joy of joys I ate for the first time – it was of course disgusting but when you haven’t eaten for four days it is best to just be greatful.

All in all I survived and I am glad to say that I have mended well I could continue this sorry story but at the end of the day I am sick of writing about it and I am sure you can’t be asked to read anymore!